


Too Much

by sappiestlady



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Porn, No Smut, Overstimulation, Panic Attacks, Sensory Processing Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28231458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sappiestlady/pseuds/sappiestlady
Summary: Everything is too much and Richie can't handle it.Check work for notes.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 5
Kudos: 78





	Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> CHARACTERS ARE 18+
> 
> I have not been diagnosed with autism, so therefore I did not write a fic about Richie being autistic. However, I have been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder that never really went away like it was "supposed to." When I was diagnosed at a young age, SPD was still a "thing" but now it is not an official medical diagnosis. SPD essentially means that I struggle with processing sensory things, like loud noises or rough textures, and just go into a shutdown/meltdown instead of rationally processing things. Lots of little things can build up and then all of a sudden I am nauseous, closing in on myself, and on the verge of tears.
> 
> I really related to Richie during the movies, with his stupid jokes and aggressively protective nature. When people headcanon him as autistic it makes sense to me, based upon their own experiences and observations. But since I have not been diagnosed with autism, I did not feel comfortable marketing this as an autism-centric work.
> 
> This is based upon my experience with this kind of stuff, specifically how I have reacted to having a meltdown or being overstimulated.
> 
> Thanks!

Richie bit his lip.

It was too much. 

The hallways were too loud, the classes were too hard, heck, even Eddie’s voice was too much. Everything was grating on him, feeling like someone was static shocking his brain every time a book hit a desk. 

In the back of the senior-level chemistry lab, Richie sat next to Eddie, watching as he carefully measured different liquids. Richie had tuned out long ago, resolving to just watch Eddie do the experiment. His cheek rested on the cool plastic of the table, eyes level with the beaker Eddie was pouring into.

“Are we at 30 milliliters?” Eddie asked.

Richie nodded.

“Are you sure? Make sure that it’s at the bottom of the meniscus, not at the---”

“I’m sure.” Richie said. 

Eddie pressed his lips together, bringing the beaker up to check for himself. He nodded, pouring it into the other beaker. It began fizzing, and Eddie began rapidly taking notes. 

“Richie.” A piercing voice made him start and crinkle his nose.

“Yes Mrs. Johnston?” Richie sat up, looking at his chemistry teacher. 

“Have you been helping Edward with the experiment?” Mrs. Johnston asked.

“Yes.” Richie said.

“Is this true, Edward?” She asked, looking at Eddie.

“Yes. He helped me measure. He was checking for the bottom of the meniscus.” Eddie said, not taking his eyes off of the fizzing mixture. Richie winced at the clinking of the spoon as Eddie mixed the beaker.

“Very good, Richie.” Mrs. Johnston said. She smiled gently and moved on to another group.

Richie nodded and turned to the experiment. Eddie was scribbling madly, though his notes were neat. 

“What are you writing?” Richie asked.

“You can copy in a minute.” Eddie said. 

The scratching of the pen made Richie wince, and he laid his head on the table again. Richie watched Eddie write, fascinated. His tongue was sticking out of his mouth, his eyes locked on the paper. Richie tried not to stare at the pink in his cheeks or the shape of his nose. 

The noises of the fizzing, the clinking, the talking, all made Richie’s head spin more than Eddie did. He felt antsy, his arms quivering with the need to move them. His legs bounced up and down, and he squeezed his hands between his thighs as he closed his eyes.

It was just too much. There was no way to get rid of it, either. It was too much. And Richie couldn’t figure out how to stop it. It was too much. The slamming of books closed echoed like a gunshot in his ears and he winced. 

“You okay, Richie?” Eddie said.

Richie nodded.

“The class is over, Richie. Time to go home.” Eddie said. Richie could almost hear Eddie hesitate when Richie didn’t move. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Eddie asked.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Richie said. He sat up, gathering his things. He was about to walk out with Eddie when Mrs. Johnston called to him. 

“Richie, could I talk for you a moment?” Richie nodded, stopping.

“See you later, Eddie.” Richie said, gesturing to the door. Eddie nodded and left, waving their other friends on.

The rest of the class filed out, glancing at Richie. Richie felt prickles under his skin at the eyes on him and he winced again.

“Is everything alright, Richie?” Mrs. Johnston asked.

“Tip-top, Mrs. J.” Richie said.

“You were less disruptive today.” Mrs. Johnston said with a smile. Richie didn’t smile back.

“I’ll be extra annoying tomorrow, Mrs. J.” Richie said.

“That’s not what I mean, Richie. Are you okay?” Mrs. Johnston asked again. 

Richie shrugged.

“Was there something that upset you?” Mrs. Johnston asked. 

Richie was surprised when tears sprung to his eyes. He shook his head and turned to go.

“I’ve got to go, Mrs. J. And I’m okay.” Richie said, forcing a smile. Mrs. Johnston raised an eyebrow.

“If you say so. But you know you can always talk to me, right?” Mrs. Johnston said.

“Yep. Thanks Mr. J, see you Monday.” Richie said, darting out the door. 

He walked to his locker and grabbed his backpack, seeing the other losers at the end of the hall. He quickly strides the other way, keeping his head down. He crashes out of the door, walking into the woods behind the school. 

He can get his bike later.

He follows the path he made years ago that leads right to the clubhouse. Usually, he would be leaving detention and meeting the rest of the losers at the clubhouse, so he would take the path in the woods as a straight path, avoiding the busy roads. 

This time, on a lovely, sunny Friday, he knew that all the losers would go home to finish their homework in time for the weekly sleepover they had at Bill’s house. 

A stick snapped under his foot and Richie winced. It felt like a nail through his brain, and his senses kicked into overdrive. His ears buzzed and his arms quivered with nervous energy and he shook his head, shivering. He began sprinting towards the clubhouse, trying to ignore the ball of panic in his chest as he tripped more than usual. He cracked his fingers as he entered the clubhouse, dropping his bag and burying himself in the hammock. 

The warm sun fell on his face as he took his glasses off, throwing them to the side. He curled up in a small ball in the middle of the hammock. It swung gently from side to side, rocking him as he took shaking breaths. He pulled his flannel over his hands and pushed his fists under his chin, closing his eyes. He curled in as tight as his jeans would let him and he let his eyes close, taking in a deep breath that was far too deep. 

Richie let out his breath, trying to ignore how shaky it was. The rough canvas of the blanket was surprisingly comfortable, and he rubbed his face into it.

A sudden opening of the door startled him, making Richie choke on his breath. 

“Richie! There you are!” Eddie said. 

Richie kept his eyes closed, trying to make it seem as though he was asleep. He his stomach turn at Eddie’s voice, but it was butterflies rather than nausea.

“I was looking for you. Everyone is at Bill’s house for tonight’s movie night. I had to check in with my mom before though.” 

Richie kept his eyes shut. He bit his lip, wincing as Eddie’s feet pounded on the floor. 

“You didn’t pick up your bike. If you leave it at the school, the rain this weekend could make it rust.”

Eddie’s voice traveled around the clubhouse as he picked up comic books and shifted shower caps. Richie’s ears felt like they were bleeding.

He squeezed his hands tight and let out a breath.

“I think Stan wants to watch an action movie. I know you like those, but Mike doesn’t, but we shall see when we get there.”

Richie felt his stomach drop to his feet and he shivered, his energy making him feel nauseous.

“C’mon, Rich, we can get your bike before we go.”

Richie tried not to whimper at the prospect of moving. His nose started to burn and he felt a pang of shame as he realized he was about to cry.

“Richie?”

Richie hid his face in his hands, rubbing the flannel across his face. He let out a shaky breath as suddenly, everything was wrong.

His shoes were laced at two different tighnesses.

His right jean leg was rolled up higher than his left.

His flannel sleeve was tighter on his left arm than it was on the right.

“Richie?”

A curl was too close to his eye.

His sock was rolled down on his right leg, making it tight around his ankle.

He could feel his belt against his stomach where he was folded onto himself.

“Richie, are you alright? Are you hurt?”

Richie felt his stomach roll and his heart beat faster as his nose and throat burned more and more. 

“Chee.”

Eddie’s voice startled him this time, as it was much closer than before. Richie still didn’t open his eyes, however.

“What’s going on, Chee?”

Richie felt the tears building up behind his hands and he sucked in a breath. He let out a whimper.

“Oh, Richie…” Eddie whispered. 

Richie let out another whimper, higher than the last. He was supposed to feel embarrassed, but he didn’t. 

“Can I touch you?” Eddie said.

Richie hesitated. His skin was crawling, his body was quivering, but surprisingly, he wasn’t opposed to Eddie touching him. He nodded twice after a moment. 

Eddie worked his fingers through Richie’s hair and put a hand on his shoulder. His nimble fingers rubbed Richie’s shaking shoulder through the flannel, making Richie keen.

“Richie, are you okay?” Eddie whispered after a moment.

“I want to go home.” Richie said, his voice weak.

“Okay.”

“I want to go home.” Richie said again, feeling tears well up dangerously.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m gonna take you home.”

“Please.” Richie whimpered.

Eddie paused for a moment and Richie could hear him suck in a breath. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Eddie said. 

Eddie pulled at Richie’s shoulder and, surprisingly, felt himself moving. He opened his eyes and squinted at Eddie, flinching when Eddie pushed his glasses onto his face. Richie blinked at the sudden eyesight, watching as Eddie smiled softly. 

Richie felt his heart melt.

Eddie took his hands, pulling him to a seated position in the hammock. Richie’s eyes locked onto their hands and fingers. Eddie rubbed his thumb on the back of Richie’s hand, making butterflies overtake the nausea in his stomach.

Eddie smiled again and helped Richie to his feet, steadying him as he swayed. Richie was still a full head taller than Eddie, though the both of them had gone through puberty. Richie caught Eddie’s eyes for half a second, feeling a wave of shame as he saw the concern in Eddie’s eyes. 

“Richie.” Eddie whispered.

Richie kept his eyes glued to the ground. Eddie reached his hand up and touched Richie’s cheek, making Richie look to him. Eddie cupped Richie’s face, stroking it with his thumb. Eddie was still smiling, and Richie felt his breath come a little easier. 

“I’m gonna get you home,” Eddie said, “And it will be okay.”

Richie nodded. Eddie patted his arm and took a few steps back. 

“Are you good enough to walk home next to me? Or do you want to ride on the back of my bike?” Eddie asked slowly. 

Richie winced. Eddie nodded.

“You can get on the back of my bike.” Eddie said.

Richie nodded. Eddie smiled wider, and Richie felt the shame dissipate a little more. Eddie picked up Richie’s backpack and took Richie’s hand, tugging him towards the door. Richie felt his legs moving but he couldn’t figure out if he was walking. He shivered as Eddie’s hand was colder than his, trying to ignore the texture of his jeans on his legs.

Eddie took him out of the clubhouse, leading him to the bike. Eddie had been gifted a new bike in lieu of the ability to get a license, a nice, strong one with a big basket. Eddie threw their backpacks in the basket, shoving them down. Eddie mounted the bike, standing it up before allowing Richie to stand on the back of the bike. 

Eddie began biking, pedaling slow enough where Richie didn’t need to worry about falling off. Richie winced at the wind on his face, but the sun made it easier. It was warm on his cheeks, and his hands on Eddie’s shoulder’s made him feel safe. 

“Richie, can we stop at Bill’s to let them know?” Eddie said over the wind. 

Richie nodded.

“Richie?” Eddie said. He glanced behind him, meeting Richie’s eyes for a fraction of a second.

“Yeah.” Richie said. 

Eddie slowed to a stop in front of Bill’s house moments later, letting Richie get off the bike before putting out the kickstand and turning to face him.

“I’ll be right back. You don’t have to come. Okay?” Eddie said.

Richie nodded. He stood by the bike as Eddie trotted up to the front door. Richie watched as the door opened, Bill’s mother standing there. He saw Eddie’s arms moving as he talked to her, and she looked towards Richie. 

Suddenly, Richie’s arms were prickling again. His curls blew in his face and he winced, ducking his head. He stared at his shoes, suddenly very aware of the fact that the seams of his socks weren’t lined up with his toes. Down the street, a car started and it grated on his ears. 

“Richie?” Eddie’s voice startled him but he didn’t look up. “Ready to go home?”

Richie nodded. 

Eddie got on the bike again, pausing for Richie to get on. Richie climbed on, wrinkling his nose at his shaking hands on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie glanced at the hands on his shoulders, and Richie felt the shame twist in his stomach again. 

Eddie began riding, pedaling quicker this time in the direction of Richie’s house. Richie could feel the concern radiating in waves off of Eddie. The clicking of the bike pedals made Richie cringe and the clicks radiated in his skull. He closed his eyes and ducked his head, letting out a puff of a sigh. He felt the bouncing of the bike up through his legs, making his legs feel like they are vibrating. 

Nervous energy was bubbling under his skin, making him nauseous. He felt tears spring to his eyes again as he noticed that his collar was up and pressed against the back of his neck. He shook his head aggressively enough to lose his glasses and was surprised when they stayed on. The collar was no longer pressed against his neck, but now his head was spinning. 

All of a sudden, Eddie was slowing again. Richie opened his eyes, surprised to see his house. It usually took longer to bike from Bill’s house to his house. Richie dismounted the bike, Eddie following soon after. Richie walked Eddie up to the garage, opening it so that Eddie could put his bike inside. The garage was empty, his parents not coming home for hours. Friday night was date night, and Richie was supposed to be at Bill’s. So Richie would be alone until they came back. 

Thank god.

Richie needed to scream. He needed to lose his mind. He needed to take his flannel off and throw it away so the collar would never touch him again. He needed to get rid of all of this nervous energy immediately and he couldn’t wait for when he inevitably collapsed. 

Richie opened the door leading into his house, leaving it open for Eddie to bring their backpacks inside. Richie toed off his shoes at the door, walking to the kitchen. He took a glass of water, his hands still shaking fiercely. He filled it halfway and drank it quickly, setting the glass down slowly so it didn’t make any noise.

Richie turned to Eddie, feeling his stomach drop.

Eddie had taken off his shoes as well and had placed his backpack next to Richie’s on the kitchen table. Eddie stretched and sighed, turning to Richie. 

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked.

Richie shook his head.

Eddie’s brow furrowed and he crossed the kitchen, walking towards Richie.

“What’s going on? What do you need?” Eddie said.

“Leave me alone.” Richie whispered.

“What?” Eddie said.

“Go to Bill’s. I’m okay.”

“You just said you weren’t okay. You don’t sound okay.”

Richie sighed, shutting his eyes tight against the tears welling up in them. He let out a sigh and dropped his head.

“I need you to leave.” Richie said. He winced at how shaky his voice was.

“Richie, what’s happening?” Eddie said, “You’ve been acting weird all day.”

“I’m gonna freak out and I don’t want anybody near me when I do.”

“What?” 

“I’m gonna lose my fucking mind and have a fucking meltdown I don’t want you to see.” Richie snapped.

Richie could feel Eddie’s eyes piercing into him. Richie started bouncing his leg as he squeezed his fist, wrinkling his nose at the silence. His nose started to burn and his throat closed up.

“I don’t want to leave you alone right now,” Eddie said hesitantly, “I really don’t.”

Richie tried to ignore the shakiness of Eddie’s voice. 

“I can’t---” Richie sucked in a breath.

Suddenly, Richie felt a hand on his forearm. He expected the touch to burn, but all he wanted to do was throw himself at Eddie. He wanted something, he wanted contact, he needed something, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

Richie let out a sob as his knees buckled. 

“Richie, it’s okay, you’re okay.” Eddie’s voice sounded at the same time as Richie’s body hit the floor. 

Richie lay on his side, pressing his cheek into the floor. He began crying earnestly, pawing his glasses away so he could cover his eyes with his hands. He heard Eddie drop next to him and felt his hands a moment later, touching his waist and shoulder. Richie whimpered as Eddie pulled him into his lap, cradling him against his chest. Richie cried harder, feeling Eddie’s hands on his back almost solidifying him. Richie curled around Eddie, pressing his face into Eddie’s chest through his hands. 

Richie let out heaving sobs, coughing with the force of his lungs. Distantly, he could hear Eddie consoling him, and Richie felt his shame disappear. 

Eddie was here. 

Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, squeezing him tight. He felt Eddie’s face in his curls, he felt Eddie’s hands on his back, he felt his crossed legs under him. His discomfort in his own body seemed to disappear as Eddie held him close, talking to him softly. 

“You’re okay, Chee,” Eddie was whispering, “I’m here, and you’re okay.”

Richie was starting to believe him. 

He clung to Eddie, noticing for the first time how soft his t-shirt was. He loosened his hands, feeling the texture of it with his palms. It was probably an older shirt, a solid-color that flatters him. Richie adjusted himself, pushing himself closer to Eddie. Richie whimpered as Eddie pulled him closer. He had stopped sobbing and was left crying softly in Eddie’s arms. Eddie pressed a kiss to Richie’s forehead, smoothing the hair back.

“See? You’re okay.” Eddie said, and Richie could hear the smile in his voice.

“Don’t leave.” Richie whispered.

“I’m not going to.” Eddie replied.

“Please. Please don’t leave.” Richie said again, feeling another wave of sobs building.

“I promise I won’t. I promise, Richie, I promise.” Eddie squeezed him as he began sobbing again.

Richie couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed, all he could do was grab onto Eddie. He felt his body shake with the force of his sobs, shivering with the energy he was losing. Richie felt the adrenaline surge.

“Please don’t leave.” Richie begged.

“I’m not going to, I’m going to stay right here.” Eddie replied.

“I can’t do this alone, don’t leave.”

“I am not gonna leave you alone.” 

Richie gripped Eddie’s t-shirt forcefully, letting out a heaving sob. Enough time went by where he couldn’t feel his legs and he was just shaking from the adrenaline. Eddie was still there, holding him tight and grounding him. 

Richie hesitated. His skin wasn’t crawling but he was still overstimulated. He felt nauseous still, and he had a gradually growing headache. He pressed his cheek into Eddie’s chest, turning his face so he could talk.

“Don’t leave.” Richie said.

“I’m not going to. But I can’t carry you to your bedroom.” Eddie said.

“Please don’t leave.” Richie whispered.

“I promise I won’t. I promise.” Eddie whispered back. 

Richie nodded into Eddie’s chest.

“C’mon.” Eddie said, patting Richie’s back.

Richie sat up slowly, Eddie guiding him with his hands on his back. Eddie stood quickly, taking Richie’s hands. He pulled Richie up slowly, steadying him again. Eddie touched his face and put on his glasses, brushing Richie’s curls out of the way of his eyes.

“Let’s go up to your bedroom. Let’s go.” Eddie said softly.

Richie nodded.

Eddie took his hands again and started leading him towards the stairs. Richie followed, his feet trudging. Eddie smiled at him as he walked backwards up the stairs, tugging him along when he faltered. Eddie took him into his bedroom, nodding when Richie turned towards his closet.

“Can I borrow a shirt?” Eddie asked.

Richie nodded.

He opened his bureau, pulling out two t-shirts. He tossed one to Eddie before trying to take his flannel off. He didn’t want to lift his arms, but he needed this flannel off of him. It was tight around his wrists, he would have to squeeze his hands through it.

“Do you want help?” Eddie suddenly asked.

Richie turned to him, embarrassed by the tears that appeared in his eyes again.

“Hey, it’s alright.” Eddie said. He crossed the room and put his hands on Richie’s shoulders.

Eddie started tugging the flannel off, pulling it off of Richie’s arms quickly. Richie pulled his t-shirt off, replacing it with the clean one. Eddie smiled at him, gesturing to the bed. 

“Trying to take me to bed, Eds?” Richie said.

“Good to know you’re back.” Eddie said. 

Richie pulled the covers aside, lying on the bed. Eddie crawled in next to him, pulling Richie’s head to his chest. Richie crawled closer, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s chest.

They lay in silence for a few moments, feeling the afternoon sun on their faces. Richie no longer felt the nervous energy, just an aching feeling in his chest and head. He closed his dry eyes, letting out a sigh.

“You scared me today.” Eddie’s voice came softly a few moments later. Richie could hear it shaking.

“I’m sorry.” Richie said.

“I knew something was wrong in chem, I should have stayed behind with you.”

“This was inevitable, it was gonna happen either way.”

“You just aren’t yourself right now, and it’s making me nervous.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“Of course. I’m sorry, I---”

“But I also don’t have to hide around you.” Richie said. Eddie stayed silent.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked.

“I like my jokes, a lot of them are funny. My accents, too.”

“Not all the time.” Eddie teased.

“Shut up, I’m being sappy.” Richie said, “But sometimes everything is just too much. And when that happens, it’s hard to do anything, even smile. But most of the time I just push through it because it’s weird, you know? And nobody ever notices.”

Eddie’s breath hitched.

“And that’s not a bad thing. I don’t want the world knowing that I can’t handle school because it’s overstimulating.” Richie said quickly.

“But now I know.” Eddie said softly, almost guiltily.

“I’m glad it’s you and not anyone else. You’re the only person that’s really seen this side of me, Eds. You’re really the only person I trust with this kind of thing.” Richie said. He squeezed his eyes shut, pushing his face into Eddie’s chest.

Eddie pressed another kiss to Richie’s forehead.

“Sleep. We can talk about this later.” Eddie said, his voice wet. 

Richie nodded into his chest, feeling sleep overtake him as Eddie carded his fingers through his hair. 

“I really expected you to leave.” Richie whispered.

“Never.” Eddie whispered back.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it!!!


End file.
